


knight in white polyester

by Dresupi



Series: Fool Me Once; Fool Me Twice (April Fool's Crack Smut) [8]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Awkward Boners, Blow Jobs, Crack, Darcyland April Fool's Smut Challenge, F/M, Hand Jobs, M/M, Multi, POV Steve Rogers, Polyamory, Semi-Public Sex, Smut, roller disco, roller skates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 09:09:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10568154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dresupi/pseuds/Dresupi
Summary: Darcy somehow convinces Steve to don a polyester jumpsuit for a roller disco competition. Bucky finds this an absolutely normal amount of hilarious, but the ridiculousness escalates when they both realize just how much they appreciateDarcy'scostume.  ;)Written for the Darcyland April Fool's Smut Challenge, Day 8, Must include Roller Skates.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Did I mention this was crack? Because it's crack. 
> 
> Read about the Smut Challenge [here](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/157863665183/hey-guys-have-you-ever-wanted-a-reason-to)
> 
> Unbetaed, so I hope it's okay. *fingers crossed*

Steve honestly didn’t know what possessed him to agree to do anything  _ close _ to this.  

Roller disco?  One, he was terrible at roller skating.  Even moving in a straight line was challenging.  

Two, he was terrible at dancing.  He’d never learned.  He didn’t get to take part in the Disco craze in the 70s, but reviewing the stock footage from the era made him feel glad for that small silver lining.  

And three, doing both at the same time?  He was a disaster on two left feet and two left skates to match.  He had bruises on his rear end.  Bruises on his knees.  Bruises everywhere else in between.  

And yet, here he was, squeezing himself into some polyester costume that left LITTLE to the imagination.  All because…

“You just about dressed in here, babe?”  Darcy ducked her head into his changing cubicle.  She’d rolled and feathered her long, luscious brown curls so that they fanned around her face, framing it in all it’s beautiful glory.   One look at her with her royal blue eye shadow and he remembered  _ exactly _ why he’d agreed to do this. 

“Yeah, you almost ready, punk?  I want some before-pictures…”  Bucky’s head appeared just behind Darcy’s and a wide grin spread across his face. “Wow.  Those pants are certainly…”  

“Tight.  Yes.  I’m aware, believe it or not,” Steve rolled his eyes as he exited the changing cubicle to start lacing up his skates.  It was a one piece suit.  With a zipper going from his pecs to his navel. And it was white.  A white polyester jump suit.  With bell bottoms.  There were red and blue stripes going across his chest, but for the most part, it was white.  And tight.  

Tight and white. 

Darcy was wearing her costume as well.  A cute little number that included red spandex hot pants, a little red, white and blue striped tank top and a white satin jacket.  Her skates were white with matching laces.  

She rolled back to let him out of the dressing area, giving him a full view of her ensemble.  

Oh.  And red tube socks that came up above her knees.  

She looked...in a word…

_ Foxy. _

Steve smirked and sat down on the bench.  Bucky started snapping pictures while he began to slowly lace up his skates.  He felt only the  _ slightest _ amount of dread.  

Dread that subsided when he glanced over to ogle their girl.  All done up and rolling around the dressing room like she was born to do it.  

The plan was simple.  Darcy was going to do most of the skating, he was going to stand there and let her.  Sometimes they’d be skating side by side, which he’d practiced a LOT beforehand, but mostly, he was going to stand there and let her skate around him.  

They weren’t looking to win this thing, luckily.  Because they didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell.  It was mostly some PR stunt.  One of the less embarrassing, believe it or not.  

But somehow, Bucky got out of having to help with this one.  So he’d been delegated to cheerleader and historian. Lending his own personal brand of sarcasm and dry wit to the whole experience.  And taking enough pictures to make sure this whole ordeal would be good and documented for future generations.  

Bucky snapped another picture as Steve wobbled over to inspect his hair in the mirror.  Darcy had it teased and hairsprayed to within an inch of its life, styled into some kind of pompadour that made him look kind of...to use her word, douchey. But, she seemed to be happy with it, so he supposed it was another sacrifice on the long list he was willing to make for the woman he loved.  

He was going to need a long shower to get all the product out of it.  

The more he watched her in the mirror, grinning and laughing.  Stretching.  Skating around the small space...her thigh muscles bunching and releasing, her shorts hugging her hips and rear end just right. The way Bucky was running his fingertips over the exposed skin just below the swell of her buttocks...the way she was kissing him, giggling because she was almost face level with Bucky while wearing the skates.  

Steve was starting to get... _ excited _ .  Maybe not in the way Darcy was, though.  

And it was becoming more of a problem than it usually was.

He didn’t like to brag, but Darcy and Bucky both assured him that he was on the upper end of the scale when it came to certain... _ measurements _ .  

And wonder of wonders, the stretch in his pants was doing little to hide those certain  _ measurements _ .  

In fact, his pants were so tight, he wondered if they weren’t part of the problem themselves.  

“Darcy?” He straightened up and turned to the side, wincing at the view in profile.  It was worse looking from the side.  “I think we’ve got a problem…” 

Her eyes scanned his body, Bucky’s did too, they both saw the telltale bulge at the same time.  

“Oh my god...what’s going on?” Darcy asked, skating over closer.  “You’ve got your own floatation device happening there…”  She reached out to steady herself, placing her hand on his waist, sending a jolt of arousal straight where he didn’t need more arousal at the moment.  

His face reddened and he laughed nervously.  “I’ve just -- ya know -- been looking at you in that…that get up and I’m kind of…”  He shrugged.  “Bucky was  _ touching _ you and I just…” He looked down at his not-so-little problem.    

“To be fair, doll...I’m kind of at half-mast right now too.  That whole...ensemble is…” Bucky’s hand waved vaguely in the air in her general direction.  “It’s  _ definitely _ doing it for me…”  

Darcy’s mouth was hanging open as she was in shock that both of her fellas were turned on by her in tight shorts and knee socks. Looking  between the two of them, she sighed. “Well, Steve...you have to think of like... _ Nick Fury _ in a french maid’s uniform or Tony in a...I don’t even know.  Tony in  _ my outfit _ or something!  We have to go out there in ten minutes, that’s nowhere near enough time to get you off right now!”  

Steve nearly choked on his tongue, because  _ that _ thought hadn’t even occurred to him until that moment.  

Darcy on her knees in front of him, or Bucky.  Or both of them...alternating hands and mouths and…

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph…” he mumbled under his breath as a fresh wave of arousal hit him right in the gut.  There was no getting rid of it now.  No matter how many Nick Furys in lace and heels he thought of.  

And try as he might, he couldn’t imagine Tony in Darcy’s costume at all either.  

“Darcy...I can’t...I’m sorry…” He looked down at his crotch, willing his enthusiastic member to settle down.  “Geez, it’s  _ obscene _ ...I’m not sure I can go out there…there are kids here...”  

“Well, you’re gonna, ‘cause I can’t squeeze my ass into those pants…” Bucky muttered under his breath.  

Darcy inhaled deeply. “I’ll...have to alter the routine.  I’ll just always be in front of it.  Never let it get centerstage at all, and it won’t steal the spotlight?”

“How are you gonna do that?”  

Darcy shook her head, clearly grasping at straws.  “I’ve been doing this since I was a kid. Skating, that is.  Not hiding rogue stiffies from view. But, I think I can figure it out...just...Steve...just stand there, okay?  Let me take care of this? Bucky...do you have the time?  How much longer?”  

“I left my watch at home...but let’s just go lay Steve down out in the parking lot and use it like a sundial?”  Bucky smirked in his direction and Darcy beat Steve to swatting his shoulder.  

“Not HELPING, Buck.”  

“Nine minutes,” he provided.  

She took a deep breath before straddling the bench in the middle of the locker/dressing room, the wheels on her skates whirring as she yanked down on the zipper on the front of Steve’s costume.  “Lock the door, please?” she asked sweetly.   Bucky turned quickly to obey her command.  

The zipper came down and she wriggled the fabric off his arms and over his hips until she could reach in and and pull out his cock.  Hard as a rock and twitching as she ran her hand over it, stroking him as she got comfortable on the bench.  

His breath came out in gasps.  “Darcy…”  

She hummed and leaned forward to wrap her lips around the head, licking the bead of precum from the tip.  Steve jumped, and he would have lost his balance, except Bucky had moved in behind him, wrapping his cybernetic arm around Steve’s middle to keep him steady.  His other hand moved down his torso to wrap around his base.    

Steve let out a strangled moan, his fist going up into his mouth as Darcy ran her tongue around the head of his cock, getting it nice and wet.  

“You don’t have to…”  

Darcy hummed.  “But I want to...want to help…”  She swirled her tongue around the head as Bucky’s hand began to stroke him, gliding in the saliva Darcy had left there.

“It’s not often we get to help  _ you _ , Stevie, why don’t you just relax and let us?”  Bucky’s voice was deep and raspy in his ear.  

Steve could barely think between the slick movements of Bucky’s hand and the hot wet swipes of Darcy’s tongue.    

Groaning openly, he concentrated only on not allowing his skates to slide out to the side. Not that he’d be going anywhere with Bucky’s cybernetic arm wrapped around his waist.    

He gazed down at her, amazed at how close they could get him just like this.  Three minutes of Bucky’s hand combined with frequent licks from Darcy, and he was poised on the brink of release.  

Bucky was flush against Steve’s back, the hard press of his groin unmistakable. The low sound of Bucky’s  voice from over his shoulder was definitely helping Steve along. As was the sight of Darcy’s hand slowly creeping down into her spandex shorts. 

Her red lipstick was smeared from sucking him into her mouth, he was sure it was probably all over him, thankfully not on his pants, though.  Through some twist of fate.  

Speaking of twists, Bucky twisted his wrist and Steve yelped, so close he could taste it.  Darcy seemed to know what he needed, leaning forward to suck him back into her throat.  

Steve choked out a gasp when he came, struggling to not fall down or roll back on his skates.  He dug the toe stop into the ground to keep from sliding away. His hands grasped at her hair.  She released him with a pop, licking her lips and panting slightly.  “Time, Buck?” she asked, her voice a throaty rasp.  

“You got three minutes, doll…” he answered, his arm still wound around Steve’s middle.  Bucky’s hips pressed rhythmically against his ass.   

Her shoulders moved as she panted.  Nodding, she slid her hand out of her shorts and leaned back on the bench.    

Steve tucked himself back into the pants, carefully zipping himself back into the costume.    

“Let’s go do the skating thing...and then let’s come back in here so Bucky and I can...you know...finish?”  She offered, arching her eyebrow.  

Steve nodded frantically.  “I’ll return the favor,” he promised both of them.  Because it had been both of them who had been responsible for this miracle of miracles. 

“Damn straight you will,” Bucky muttered under his breath with a grin,.  “First things first, though…” He grabbed Steve’s hand and spun him around for a quick kiss.  “You need to go make a fool of yourself so I have something to laugh about later.”  

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, Buck…”  

Darcy reached for Steve’s hand, lacing her fingers with his. 

“Get your insanely hot ass out there and skate.”  Bucky said with a wink.  “And before you ask, yes, I’m talking to  _ both _ of you…”   

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/), if that's a thing you do. <3


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